Thursday, 20 October 2016

The Lies I Tell Myself

You can still be pretty without those new clothes. 
You can mix and match your dress with all the scarfs you currently have, they're overloading the "shawl box". 
You can always smile bright even if you forgot to put on your balm or lipstick. 
You can see his moves eventho you misplaced your spectacles. 
You can always be better even if you fail the quiz. 
You don't need those new colour blouse. 
You are beautiful outside and inside. 
You are going to be fine. I mean what can go wrong when you have you yourself as lover? As a hugger? As a masseur? As everything you want la. 

Those lies I tell when I needed to console myself. To remind me that I'm broke and needless to say that my crave for retail therapy and fancy food is beyond my stomach size. 

Save money la baby. Don't buy new dress. Don't look at new shades of shawl like you need it. Drink more plain water you don't need the cornetto. Eat rice till finish, no maggi-maggi anymore for your own good. No nandos kepci McD, no new liquid lipstick, no makeup hauling, no this and that. 

Thanks. Ai lebiyu. Keep on reminding yourself. 

Yours truly, 
A huge fan of retail therapy. *head massage* 💆🏻

Saturday, 15 October 2016

Mind Speaks #keberapaentah

It's real. 
When your eyes sink deep into his eyes, or his jawline, or his hair, or maybe like in my case his canine (haishh), any words he uttered flew like hummingbird sucking the honey out of your ears but you hear nothing. 

Itu ujian bhai, ujian. Tolong lah focus. 
Or suruh dia pakai niqab. 


Friday, 23 September 2016

Current mood 😒

A "leave me alone" packs of emotions and unexpressed expressions. 

I hate you people. 
Shut up. 😒
Don't talk to me. ✋🏻
Go away. 😤
Don't you dare touching me.🙅🏻 
Don't crack jokes. 🙎🏻
Wrong timing people. 🚶🏻♀️🚶🏻♀️ 
I'll be back by tonight if I'm alright. 
If not then tomorrow after tomorrow. 

Meanwhile on the other side... 

I want movies. 🎥 
I need ice cream. 🍦
Take me to a deserted beach. 🌊 
Play with my hair. 
Shut up and listen to my thoughts. 💭 
Embrace me. Cuddle me. Be by my side. 

Mannn this is what I call Pi Em Es. 

Friday, 9 September 2016

4 - 1 = 3

There's a certain part in me, hesitating. 
There's a hole in me, gone missing. 
There's a significant difference, between leaving and being left.  
There's always a hope, from anything that passed. 

For all the times we had, nothing compared to the times we fought. 
The hurt I felt and the hatred you grow. 
That I just refused to show. 

Where are those sincere compliments? 
Where are those crystal clear heartfelt? 
You think I'm stupid? 
You think my roller coaster rides are always going up? 
You think my smile doesn't hide my real collapsed emotions? 
You think I'm happy because I'm having what I have now? 
No. Absolutely no. 

I've grown ruthless, care less, and a killer.
I burned the bridge to keep us a distance. 
Those lonely nights I screamed the crushed feelings. 
You're so happy that you don't know what's happening to me. 
You got yours and I was left alone and all you think about is my vengeance? Shit. 
I built my broken pieces back with billions of hope. I hope that no one will ever dare to know me. But then someone out of nowhere came. 
And I got no idea how it sparks my entire existence. 
Return my happiness back. 
Give me my independence, my free will, my free flowing optimistic vibes. 
I fell and lost in the battle you initiated.
Deep inside my thoughts, there's ocean of overthinking memories, confusing interpretations, false hopes and complete denials. 

I just want you to know that what I've been through is nothing you could compare with yours. 
And it is easier for me to let go since I got nothing to lose. You can decide, you choose and let me know.  

Stay if you think this will worth. 
Fight if you think this will win. 
Love if that is the best you can do. 
Leave if you don't wanna get hurt. 

Run with me, or watch me as I go.


Tuesday, 6 September 2016

Wait a sec.

It's better when we know nothing about the things that may induce hatred, anger or denials. 

Certain ignorance, or lame preferences like mine (because idc about your tweets or moments or any tantrum you throw anywhere or talk bad behind my back) is actually protecting me from any misconduct. 

So One thing I keep for life, redha. 😌😌😌 

Monday, 5 September 2016


Kadang-kadang perlu je melara hati. 
Bila asyik kata "takpe, aku okay je.", ayat merawat hari sendiri. 

Tapi sampai bila nak fix sendiri? 
Perlu je membawa hati. Bawa hati jauh. 
Kau je yang tak sampai hati Dib. Kau takut kan Dib. Kau rasa kau boleh go on seorang-seorang. 

Hakikatnya kau perlu dan kau tak mahu sendiri. Perlu kalau bukan kadang-kadang, at least sekali. Biar orang tahu Kau sebenarnya dah penat jadi kuat. Sekali sekala kau harus rebah jugak Dib. Sampai bila nak pretend jadi kuat.

Cukuplah fix hati sendiri. Cukup. Cuba hilangkan diri, kita tengok siapa yang cari.  

Thursday, 11 August 2016

Too Tough.

Dalam satu  nafas itu terhela seribu penyesalan. Berat.  
Dalam setiap keputusan tersimpan sejuta keraguan. Yakin?

I'm still in a state that I haven't put much hope. 
After all hardships I faced. After those tremendous depression episodes. 

I keep a distance from people for more than half a year. 
I fix my heart. I sew the wounds one by one. Sometimes it tore and I bleed. 

Blinded my own eyes. Poking myself to laugh. Cry at nights. Smile a fake grin. 
And day by day, I grew up bolder, care less, but when I fall, I'm back to my real self. 

Oh you poor little heart. 

When you are alone, all you care about is yourself. 
Now that you're in a boat of two, you have to care for both. 
if the boat sinks, you both sink. 
if one lose, the other will lose too, 
if one wins, the other will also win. You're a team now. And there's no "I" in team.

Whoever came to you to claim for your damaged heart, you masked it. 
You lied. Show him the scars. Let him know how you survived. Portray them all. 

Wound heals, scars remained. 

But first, let them show theirs first. 
You don't sell to an uninterested person. You look for one who would jump in front of a bullet for you.  

It takes two to tango. You don't dance alone. You dance for two. You live for two. 
Now that I'm happier, I am more sincere, I care for more. Thank you. 

I'd like to remind me, that 
1. apologize
2. compromise
3. fix your heart. 

Life's short. Be happy!

Wednesday, 10 August 2016

Rain of Flower Petals on Me!

There are some guys pacing across my eyes.
But the one that crosses my heart and my mind is you. Only you.

I sound "flur-tee" but that never be a mistake when it comes to speaking about you.
Forever I'll be cheeky to make you smile more often. And it is sincerely done because of you.

Because you let out my true virtue when you're with me.
You unlocked my heart without any key.

I'll take you home to my mother and my father and my sisters and my brother.
Do the same to me and I love you even more.

We are going to have a very long journey, I pray that you'll stay.  
Stand by me to infinity, I'll be your backbone, baby.      


Bebel wan poin oh. 😂

Life is about making choices. 
You're free to choose everything that suits your plan, your objectives and so on. 

When things gone wrong, it is not because of the wrong choice you made. It is about your failure to manage your own decisions. 
It is how you cope with the environment and surrounding. 
It is how you make interpretation out of it. 

In life, there's nothing comes easy. 
The road should be expected to be bumpy, rocky, slippery and whatever that will hold you back. 

Once you fall, bounce back. 
Once you've broken, pick up your pieces. 

We will stand by each other. Even if we can't get through. Even if we can't find heaven, (eh jangan lah. Aim haruslah sorga!) 

Bila kita jatuh, yang pertama mengangkat  kita ialah ibu bapa. 
Yang sentiasa melihat jatuh bangun kita tanpa putus asa, tanpa putus rasa cinta itu - ibu bapa. 
Yang berbangga dengan pilihan kita, ibu bapa. 

Jadi apa pun yang kita pilih, JANGAN neglect ibu bapa. 
JANGAN lupa pesan ibu bapa. 
JANGAN buat tak endah larangan ibu bapa. 

Kita mungkin boleh bertukar chenta, tapi mana mungkin kita mampu mengganti kasih ibu bapa. 
Yang ada cuma satu, cuma satu. 

When things don't work the way you want, heads up. 
Tiada "kalau kalau", tiada "if if". 

Accept, never expect. Terima, bukan hukum. Hukum diri sendiri jangan, hukum orang lain lagilah jangan. 

(Apa benda laaa dia ni nak cakap!) 

Tak ada point sebenarnya.
Cuma berkecamuk dalam minda. Berselerak dalam hati. 
Nak bercerita belum cukup masa. Nak berkongsi mungkin tiada yang sudi. 

Okay summary. 

1. Bila kita rasa down dengan apa yang dah jadi, let the feelings go. Allah simpan hikmah disebalik apa yang anda lalui. Sabar lah, okay? 

2. Bila rasa bersendiri, jangan la ikutkan hati. Fikir orang yang sayang kita. Mesti ada walaupun jadadnya sudah tak bersama di dunia! 

3. Hidup atas dasar pilihan. Free will. Kita merancang, Allah juga merancang. Indeed, Allah sebaik-baik perancang. Kita silap? Berbalik pada Allah. Kita berjaya? Bersyukur pada Allah. 

Hey, Allah kan ada! 

Tuesday, 2 August 2016

Song stuck in head.

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why I need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You

and the reason is You..

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you


Thursday, 21 July 2016

The Queen's Revival

There's a girl in a city, wandering alone with her tiny high heels. 
She loves herself more than a Gucci. 
She treats herself with highest dignity. 

There's a timid girl whom you just knew. 
To her you're just a curious guy. 
She treats you like she already knew. 
That you were the type she had always admire. 

More days passed as the clock ticks. 
More time spent as fast as a flick. 
To you she's just a small matter like a bloody tick. 
But she's able to suck your blood till you no longer thick. 

What matters most is how she's treated. 
Once threatened with love, she'll never defeated. 
She accept the fate that she's being cheated. 
But She's blessed with strength for being kind-hearted. 

Oh mighty soul of a tiny girl. 
Who Wanders alone with a motivation. 
In high heels she runs her own world. 
To keep improving herself, to be an inspiration. 

As you know her more you'll be bored. 
She's ugly as fuck but she never cares. 
The longer the time, everything might seems odd. 
All she wanted to do is to breathe some more air. 

You can left her alone with her drooling tears. 
She'll cry a week but stand stronger the next years. 
She'll be better one day for the one who will sincerely care. 
Of course not for you, she'll kill you- beware! 

Wednesday, 20 July 2016

Oh Please Brain, Overrule My Damn Stupid Heart.

Have you eat with your tears drooling into your plate? 
Have you ever been trying so hard to stop that tears you've never being the cause of it? 
Have you ever moving on life without leaving your pillow wet before your eyes shut to sleep? 

No? Anya? 

Sometimes being strong is not enough. 
Gosh some people are too good at sprinkling salts on active wound. 
At all times, being listened to is the best therapy one can get. Listen, don't judge. 

Your appearance is to be noticed. 
Your personality is meant to be appreciated and understood. 
Your strength is to be maintained and your weakest spot must be hidden somewhere not a breathing person knows. 

Told you. I write best when I'm broken enought to write. If it was just a drop or two, the writing won't work. 
Maybe it needs like an ocean of tears where there's pool inside the eyelids. When they no longer can hold them, the pool broke into streaming waters across the blushed cheeks. 
The lungs expand bigger when you're crying. Your heart beats faster. 
Your vessels dilate, your face is turning red. Your facial muscles contract more making ugly expressions that no one can bear watching. 

We all have gone that precious moment. The moment when we only got our two feet to stand on where nobody could do anything to change what had happened. 

Indeed, His plan is for you. His solution is also made available for you. 
Just in case you forgot, He will always be there for you, at limitless time, boundless communication, in any languange and at how vulnerable and indefensible you are. 

Have faith baby. 
Your time is about to come. Keep on hoping. 

Wednesday, 13 July 2016

Story of Me and Apek Warfarin. [Gua Tak Lupa Lu Uncle!]

| Sehari sangkutan MTAC Warfarin | 

Seorang pakcik Cina datang bertemu pegawai farmasi. Temu bual berjalan seperti kebiasaannya. Aku berdiri di tepi, observe. Setiap pertanyaan pegawai, aku take note. 

PF: pakcik ada tanda-tanda pendarahan tak? Gosok gigi berdarah ke, najis gelap hitam hitam ke, atau lebam-lebam? 
PC: gua tarak berdarah punya. Gua gosok gigi pun tak darah. Musti loh. 
Pegawai kurang mengerti tutur katanya yang sedikit tenggelam. Aku pun sukar fahami pada mulanya. Lama aku interpret. 
PF: betul tak berdarah bila gosok gigi? 
PC: ya lah. Sini tengok gua gosok macam mana. (Sambil tolak keluar gigi palsunya dengan lidah) 
Aku: (luruh jantung aku. Haha) sengih aku - mudah terhibur. 

Temu bual bersambung lagi. Tentang dos Warfarin yang pernah missed, pemakanan sayur hijau, warna pil apa, makan bila dan hari apa. Semua. 

PF: pakcik ada rasa pening-pening, mual rasa nak muntah atau sesak nafas tak? 
PC: Alhamdulillah tak. Gua rasa okay ja ma. Alhamdulillah. 
Pegawai dengan aku dah pandang satu sama lain. Pakcik Cina ni berpakaian seperti Apek Cina lain. Short dan tshirt. Pegawai tanya, uncle ni Melayu ke Cina. Dalam kepala aku dah betulkan soalan pegawai "tanya la muslim ke, bukan melayu ke tidak" melayu cina tu bangsa, bukan penentu agama. 
Pakcik tu jawab "gua cina la". Pegawai pandang aku lagi, kerut-kerut dahi. Aku sengih tunjuk gigi sambil henjut-henjut bahu menyampai maksud bahawa aku tak tahu. 

Bila usai, pegawai sedang mengira dos baru. Mungkin perlu intervention apabila bacaan INR nya tingtong. 

PC: lu tau, dalam dunia ni kita tak lepas itu. (Tangannya menunjuk bentuk tangga. Ada tujuh lapis dia kata) lu tau ka ini apa?  
PF dan aku: geleng kepala. 
PC: lu tau, kita kena percaya kepada Al-lah. Dia saja tuhan kita. Kita buat apa saja dalam dunia, nanti mati kita kena jawab oh. Mana boleh lari. Musti kena bertanggungjawab. Tengok, lu orang ta faham. 
Wah masa ni aku dah bertentang mata dengan apek cina ni. Meremang bulu roma dia bila dia menyebut frasa seolah-olah syahadah. Tapi aku keliru. Entah ya entah tidak. Dia sambung, 
PC: kat dunia ni jangan la buat baik sebab nak tunjuk orang. Semayang jangan depan orang. Semayang, cari tempat bersih-bersih, semayang. Kita buat baik, kita dapat pahala. Kita buat tara baik aa, jahat sama orang sama binatang, ohh nanti kena jawab oh mana boleh lepas. Tunjuk lagi gaya tangga. 

Okay sekarang aku faham. Tujuh lapis neraka. 
PC: lu tau ka apa? 
Aku: senyum, angguk kepala. 
PC: naa bukan semua orang boleh faham. Lu faham dia tara faham. (Sambil tunjuk pegawai. Padahal pegawai tu sibuk kira dos baru.) kita tak boleh kata orang macam-macam. Dia pakai macam mana, dia buat apa, kita tak boleh kata (judge) sama dia. Kita tak tahu, itu Al-lah tahu. 
Aku: mana Uncle tahu? 
PC: lu jangan tanya gua mana gua tahu. Gua taboleh cakap. Nanti itu satu badan gua meremang. Lu tengok, naik bulu tangan. (Dia menyapu tangan kakinya yang kelihatan tegak bulu-bulunya) 

Aiyoo uncle. Aku tak tahu mahu respons apa selain mengangguk, mengiya. Dalam akal, terima apa yang baik, interpret hanya yang baik. Ada betulnya apa yang dia sampaikan, ada juga keraguan dari sudut pandangan aku sendiri. 

Uncle, saya doa uncle dapat hidayah. Jika benar Uncle beraqidahkan Islam, yakni Allah sebagai tuhan yang satu tanpa sekutu, semoga Uncle mampu praktikkan apa yang sebenarnya Islam. 

Tak semestinya yang mengingatkan kita itu, sesaudara Muslim. Ada juga yang bukan Muslim tetapi menerangkan tentang Islam kepada kita. Skop Islam itu luas lagi menyeluruh. 
Allah tunjuk, menggunakan segala bentuk makhluk. 
Cuma kita, kita yang perlu buka mata, buka hati untuk menerima. 

Miss Aimi Noor. 🙆🏻

Monday, 4 July 2016


Jika malam ini kita tidur dalam keadaan berdukacita, semat dalam dada yang esok mungkin bahagia.

Jika malam ini kita diruntun rasa kecewa, ingat dalam jiwa bahawa setiap takdirnya tiada yang sia-sia. 

Orang senang berkata tanpa dia merasa. 
Lidah mudah menikam tanpa sedar tikaman itu terlalu dalam. Langsung tersemat hingga terganggu amygdala nya. Terusik emosinya.  
Aku ingat! 

Bila kita merasa terlalu hilang, terlalu jauh tanpa arah, doa lah. 
Cuma doa yang mampu membantu. 
Ingatlah Dia, cuma Dia yang akan tumpu. 
Seandainya malas merayu, atas rahmatnya juga perjalanan kita diteruskan. 
Jadi jangan berlagak dengan Tuhan! 

Doa. Dia dengaq. 
Doa, meskipun Dia sudah tahu. 
Doa, walau kali ke seribu. 

Peringatan cliché , tapi hang yang tak ingat-ingat. 
"Hang" tu sapa? 

Bila aku tunjuk hang tu, maksudnya hang la. Yang lagi empat jari tu menghala kat aku jugak. Aku aku aku dan aku. 

*hang sabaq sat* 

Thursday, 23 June 2016


Where are you during her ups and down? 
Where are you when she's all by herself being insulted by one or two of yours? 

Then you claim about the apple of your eyes? 
That's a bullshit man. 

Sunday, 19 June 2016


There's one girl when you look at her your hearts skipped a beat. 
She's ain't always pretty but she'll always be the apple of your eyes. 
She's not that perfect but you keep longing for her silently. 
You never know how hard her heart is pounding whenever she sees you even from afar. She waits. 

I wanna rock your world. 
Tell her that, dude. 

Saturday, 18 June 2016

Mind Speaks #3

I wanna be chubby but I can't.
I wanna be beautiful but I choose not to.
I wanna be a genius but I hate Maths.
I wanna be bold but I hid myself.

You can be anything but not arrogant.
You can have everything but not without His permission.
You can be dominant but you always have to be submissive.

Because you are both a khalifah and a slave to Him. 

Mind Speaks #2

Ucapan "my turn will come soon" itu applies to these conditions:

1. Bila kita melihat kebahagiaan orang lain yang belum kita kecapi. 
2. Bila kita melihat kehilangan orang yang kita sayangi. 
3. Bila kematian terjadi. 

*sabaq sat weh. 

Friday, 27 May 2016

Mind Speaks #1

Kadang-kadang rasa macam nak cakap je, tapi taknak ramai yang tahu. 

Dah takda orang suka kita, suka hati kita lah nak crush dengan Joong Ki ke Dong Wook ke. 

Sape suruh tak suka kita. 😝

*hang sabaq sat*

Thursday, 26 May 2016



I can't write if nothing happened abruptly that it touches my heart, forcing me to write. 
I can't express what I think if I have no trigger. 
I don't simply write what I think I should because it shouldn't be written without any good intention. 

I write to make others know what I've been thinking about something. 
I write to express the burden of keeping heavy thoughts and I just want to let it go. 

I'm an observant. I look at things differently and try not to judge like how the others are judging. 
I try to put myself into it and judge how I would react without thinking the others' opinion because what's happening is only felt by the individual, not as collective. 

I can't think, I can't write. I can't simply write. 
Sometimes it is impossible. 

But to give, I need to gain. I need to earn in order to provide. 
In that case, I need to ponder harder, I need to at least tadabbur a single, simple thing happen in the universe.

Pray. For. Me.  

Friday, 20 May 2016

Bukan Milik Kita

Tak ada yang mahu berkongsi tribulasi. 
Semua yang ditunjuk, semua yang menayang gigi. Happy. 

Tak ada yang mahu berkongsi kisah hati. 
Kecuali ada yang mendekati, berkata sudi. 

Tak mampu kita menangisi saban hari.
Kerna hidup cukup pendek untuk bermuram diri. 

Tapi jika melihat kebahagiaan mereka kita menjadi overwhelm, 
overwhelm dan penuh pengharapan yang suatu hari nanti bakal jadi milik kita juga, 
dan harapan itu tidak bukan tidak akan menjadi doa indirectly. 
jika kita cuma mampu berdoa, maka itu sahaja sudah cukup kuat untuk kita. walaupun dia tu entah siapa, entah di mana, ataupun dia langsung taktahu yang kita "calon"kan dia, ataupun dia sudahpun berpunya tapi ahh pedulikan itu semua.  
Yang Allah bagi pasti terbaik, pasti. cuma hang ja kena perbaik sikit. :/

zon masa kita berbeza, cerita cinta kita juga pasti beda, yang pasti "every love story is magnificent, but my favourite will always be ours". 

suatu hari nanti, hari itu kita punya. ya, kita punya. 

*sabaq sat* 
*hang tunggu sat* 

Wednesday, 18 May 2016

Ja wau dal wau ha.

Ya Allah. 

Siapa pun dia, di mana pun dia, jagalah dia. Biarlah dia mencintaimu lebih dari dia akan mencintai ku. 

Apa pun pekerjaannya, biarlah dia sentiasa mencari redhamu dengan setiap titis peluhnya. 
Sekuat mana pun keluhannya, sertailah ia dengan doa dan kebergantungan kepadaMu. 
Bila tersasar kehidupannya, kembalikan dia sebagai mana Kau sering menarikku ke jalanMu. 

Ya tuhan. 

Jagalah dia daripada kekuranganku. 
Hiasi hatinya dengan mengingatimu. 
Indahkan rupanya seiring dengan kehendakMu. 
Kuatkan peribadinya, untuk melindungiku. 
Teguhkan sembilan akalnya, untuk membimbing surinya yang berakal satu. 

Tiadalah redhaMu tanpa redha dua ibu bapaku. 
Jauhi aku daripada pengacau hati rapuhku. 
Mudahkan pertemuanku dengan yang sudi menjadi rakan, suami, kekasih awal akhirku, abang adik-adikku, pelindung ibu bapaku dan ibu bapanya, juga hambaMu yang selalu setia. 

Jika bukan masanya untukku, jadikan aku hambaMu yang mengerti, sentiasa berbaik budi, mencintai dan mengasihani   
Jauhilah aku dari kemaksiatan, keaiban dan kejahilan. 

Izinkan aku untuk memahami, segala yang tertulis di langit bumi sudah cukup cantik untuk aku tidak mengingkari segala plot plot berhikmah yang mana mungkin mampu aku susun sendiri. 

Alhamdulillah thumma Alhamdulillah. 

The best is yet to come, *sabaq sat*

Thursday, 28 April 2016

I Wear My Black Armour, and I Lit My Spotlight to the Sky. It's Time to Uncover.

Assalamualaikum. Hai. ♫

Note: I need you to take this VERY SERIOUSLY. 

I know you've been talking about me lately. My posts, my behaviour and my interests now are prone to marriage, I know. 

But that doesn't mean that "aku teringin nak kawen" - sangat. Weyyy, motif? 
Like duhh.. All girls in my age have that kind of syndrome but the way you think about it BROTHER, is a bit melebih I guess. 

Most of the girls love flowers. 
Girls like makeup. Girls love wedding.  
And most of the girls like me adore all those beautiful things in life, like what is happening now. 

Until one night, I heard something bad. About me. *creepy smiling face*

Bro, if you wanna gossip, please take into consideration of the contents. I like gossipping too, but I make it in a private circle and not too "menjaga tepi kain orang". 
If you're concern about me, please ask me directly, I won't eat you but I will tell you everything you wanna know - depending on my trust in you. 

Don't make ugly assumptions. It hurts, okay. 

I am being friendly and easily approachable at the moment. Now if you'd noticed, couple of years back, I was some kind of a little monster and not everyone dare to crack jokes or talk to me. Including the sisters. 
Now, I even make them laugh. Get that? 

I'm being easy so that I can make people comfortable around me. 
I'm living this way (so open, so loud) so that people know me well enough to handle me during my high times and my breakdown episodes. Online and offline.

The ones who stay are the person who understand of how much struggle I faced, to become me. 
The ones who know how to put themselves in my small-sized shoes BEFORE TALKING behind me. 

Therefore, I want you to know that before I caught you (or I hate you), you are already forgiven. 
You need to ask me for my real story, not believing the fitnah of speculation. 

Things you might want me to uncover:

  1. I'm single. So? You can chill. We're back to normal. I'm so over of the Syndrome "kahwin awal".   
  2. Bila masa aku cakap nak kawen cepat? Gila. 
  3. I've lot of things in mind. Fb statuses are neither the whole story nor a chapter. 
  4. I'm close to many people, across courses and years (guys and girls). It's good to know more people. Kau dah kenapa?
  5. I LOVE ARTS. Beautiful things, quotes, views, everything that's pretty attract my attention. (come on, open up your mind)   
  6. I sometimes a loner. To show you I'm strong and independent. 
  7. I speak loud when I needed to - to tell you that I hid nothing behind my back when I talk to you. When you're wrong I'll prove you wrong and I learn from you, when I'm wrong please correct me. Don't leave/avoid me. 

I'm not a good Muslimah, but I always trying to be one. You can judge me and fortunately, I don't care~~ *senyum senyum*

If you don't know my true storyline, don't come out with a blockbuster, deceiving movie.-..-



Monday, 11 April 2016

Midnight Morning

Salam, hai. :) 

A very long hiatus indeed. Took forever to write a new post. Even forget how to write too. 

I'm taken into a cave of assignments, seminars and reports since the day I started my clinical year. And now I'm a cave girl!
It was exciting actually, realising that you are now a senior student though my size is a bit "junior". Whatever then, I don't care. 

Oh ya, I've been very intoxicated by my own emotional control nowadays. As if I'm PMS-ing every day. Maybe because of too much work work work in 24 hours time which is just not enough. Or maybe procrastination is at its best. 

I have panda eyes, and I hate to see them. I looked like I haven't slept for days but in reality, I'm a koala. Hypersleeping syndrome. haha. 

Well, it's late now to think for a better entry. So uhh, goodnight
  • :sleeping:

Thursday, 3 March 2016

Never too early to develop wifey materials. never. 
Some things in life need life long practice. 

Wednesday, 2 March 2016

Smile Because It's Sunnah!

As sa la mu 'a lay kum. :) 
Hi, miss me? hahaha

I have something to tell about what I learnt today in life. It's about giving people positive vibes thru anything you can give. 


"It's Jumuah (Friday) and the Khairat fund bag was circulating around the hands of students during lecture. Khairat money will be used for the wellbeing or welfare of the student if any unexpected or unfortunate things happened. I was sitting at the back (yeah I'm one of the back benchers), particularly  listening to the lecture when the bag arrived in my hand. I had a quick glance to my wallet and sighed. I had no cash! Just a few coins. In mind I said I can only give this amount, I hope next time I can give more. Pray that I'll earn more insyaAllah. My friend sitting next to me looked at what I've been doing for so long with the Khairat money - I was sorting the money out according to the values. She asked "why?" and chuckled. 

I said "Aku tak boleh bagi banyak, aku sumbang apa yang mampu selain duit. lulz"


"I rarely remember about what I posted or liked in Facebook. Then today my friend told me that "you've been sharing about exciting things, happy statuses." And I was like "no lahh, denying". Before that, I eavesdropped her conversation though I couldn't hear it 90% of the whole conversation. haha but frankly, she's having conflict. A minor one I guess. Then when I walked away to my college, I was thinking about something. 

"Everybody is fighting their own battle." 

I don't know what kind of problem she's having and she has no idea how I suffered from my own inner conflict before I can live this happy life but we still look after each other for good. 

That's what we should be. We look after each other, we induce the happiness together. By being nice, we spread positivity without effort. and SMILE, regardless of whoever you're dealing with.  Smile, only use lesser facial muscles than to frown. 

Smile, it may melt hearts. hearts okay, hearts. uuuu.. haha

Okay? okay~ 

You are under arrest! 
but why?
because you stole my heart. lulz. 

Thursday, 18 February 2016

I Love You, Friend.

Lepas berkira-kira, berendam air mata bagai for the whole week, aku finally rasa yang "weyhh I need to feel good, weird doh kalau aku bermuram durja"

ni semua syaiton homesick, syaiton "you're not worth it" punya kerja. 

girls, in whatever you do, do your best. Do it your way. Never ever let people downgrade you to the stage you don't belong to. Be you, the truly you. 

macam aku. sangatlah pelik bila aku tak ketawa sehari. sangatlah pelik bila aku tak ukir senyuman walau sehari. aku pun boleh jadi gila. tapi nak buat macam mana kalau soal hati ni tak tahu nak bicara macam mana kan. So let it gooooo,, nangis puas-puas, bersedu sedan siap and then get up. takde masa nak bersedih lagi dah. 

After all, Allah yang susun. have faith, okay? 

Even yang susah nak move on pun eventually akan moved on. Akan move on.  (talking to myself) 

this time, kau actually found out yang siapa sebenarnya yang ada masa kau susah, masa kau dipijak orang. never let go the hands that bring you up when you forgot how to stand up again. Itu sahabat, dunia akhirat.  

Wednesday, 3 February 2016


Sometimes broken sometimes fixed. 
Looking from afar you'll see perfection, the nearer you get, more flaws you'll see. 
The flaws are nothing but cracking solid, rusting and dried heart. 
Then you'll know that this ain't right. 

She thought she'll get better by the time she's older. 
But people say, the older you get the wiser you may be. 
Wisdom thought her to be strong in gentle. And wisdom shaped her to be diamonds, not in the same range and prices as glass and of course superior than those plastic. 

One of the people chose to be with the one who suited the eyes instead of whom the heart wants. 
When the plastic so called love broke, they lost. 
Let she tells you that she's your wrong choice and She was worth it that She've been left for reasons she don't know. 

You know her name, not her story. You lied to her. You betrayed her. You let her down. You didn't even open any opportunity to her. She'll remember how you treated her and promised not to treat you the way you've always treat her. 

Happy catchy songs no longer cheered her up but bringing the old sweet memories back. No more of her rhythmic head banging and cute little dance. 

Broken hearted songs and movies could only aggravate. You can't see her tears anymore cause it hurts more in the inside than on the outside. 
With wet pillow and eyes, she slept that night. Cuddling her small side pillow  harder than ever. 

Hoping for a better tomorrow if she's permitted to breathe for one more day. 

Wednesday, 27 January 2016

I Need Something Deeper

                                                    "Superficial Love"
You're really cute, I must admit
But I need something deeper than this
I wanna know when I'm looking at you
That you don't only see the things you want to

'Cause I'm not perfect, I'm flawed
And if you don't like that, get lost
'Cause I don't want it if it's fake
I don't want it if it's just for show, for show
I just want it if it's real and I'm thinking I should let you know, you know

This superficial love thing got me going crazy
Baby if you want me, then you better need me
'Cause I'm so done, not being your number one
And if you wanna keep me, then you better treat me
Like a damn princess, make that an Empress
'Cause I'm so done, not being your number one
This superficial love

Fun at first, I won't deny
But I want more than just what meets the eye.
I wanna know when you're looking at me
That you see deep into my personality

'Cause I want authentic, not just for fun
If this love is plastic, It'll break on us
'Cause I don't want it if it's fake
I don't want it if it's just for show
I just want it if it's real and I'm thinking I should let you know

This superficial love thing got me going crazy
Baby if you want me, then you better need me
'Cause I'm so done, not being your number one
And if you wanna keep me, then you better treat me
Like a darn princess, make that an Empress
'Cause I'm so done, not being your number one
This superficial love

I can feel you on my lips all the time
But I just wanna feel you in my heart and on my mind
I can feel you on my lips all the time
But I just wanna feel you in my heart and on my mind
I can feel you on my lips all the time
But I just wanna feel you in my heart and on my mind
I can feel you on my lips all the time
And this ain't right

This superficial love thing got me going crazy
Baby if you want me, then you better need me
'Cause I'm so done, not being your number one
And if you wanna keep me, then you better treat me
Like a darn princess, make that an Empress
'Cause I'm so done, not being your number one
This superficial love

I can feel you on my lips all the time
But I just wanna feel you in my heart and on my mind
I can feel you on my lips all the time
And this ain't right, this superficial love.

Tuesday, 26 January 2016

Have Faith

We make mistakes in every minute. 
Then every two to four hours apart, we seek forgiveness in our prayers. 
Aren't we feel ashamed? 
No. Unless you do but most of us don't. 

Malunya menghadap Allah in a way that kita tak ready, tak prepare, tak bersungguh. 
Kalau dengan manusia, we can get ready for it hours before. Bila nak jumpa Allah? MasyaAllah kain pelikat lusuh, telekung bertahi lalat, make up sayang nak basuh, pakai short tertarik-tarik masa nak rukuk wa sujud. Allahu. 

Teruknya iman. Mungkin lebih nipis dari kulit bawang? 
Ikut usrah, tapi tak macam ikut usrah. Masuk telinga kanan, keluar telinga kiri. 🤕 

Kejar publisiti dunia, abai publisiti di akhirat. 
Ingat "bila kita kejar dunia, akhirat berlari meninggalkan kita. Bila kita kejar akhirat, dunia berlari mendapati kita." Allah.

Aku buruk, hina, berdosa. Jangan pandang aku superior, aibku Allah tutup sempurna. 
Aku berusaha untuk buat apa yang aku kata. Aku tak mahu meludah ke langit, juga tak mahu menjilat ludah sendiri. 
Jika aku mengingatkan, maka pertimbangkan sebelum menerima. Jika aku teralpa, heret aku kembali ke dunia nyata. 

Cause life's too short to mourn over dead motivations. Just make a new dream and chase it. 

Whenever you're dirty, go and clean up. 
Whenever you've sinned, go ahead and repent. 

Sunday, 17 January 2016

Better regret the thing you didn't say than to regret the thing you've said. 
Alhamdulillah the mind couldn't speak out loud; if it does we'll be killed due to the war of thought.   

Thursday, 14 January 2016

There are significant differences between readers and non-readers. 

Those who can write, explain and make rhymes. 
Those who can use simple words to beautify a sentence. 
Those who can hide behind every writing, unseen. 
Those who believe that thru writing, the heart and mind speak. 
What you read is what you'll write. What you do is what that'll define you. 

Just to say that no matter what you do, you'll always be remembered. It is you who decide how people's gonna remember you. 😘

Sunday, 10 January 2016

Insomniac - post exam and supersaturated mind.

I couldn't sleep, so I'm up to write.

My mind couldn't get over something. Something I think not worth it yet unconfirmed. It's about a tug-of-war game involving heart strings.

I should not let my mind speaks the hell out of it but when the heavy weeks of exams were over and there's plenty of time to kill till the next OSPE and presentation so I'm sure there's a lot more to think than to just carry out a normal life. Well, being normal is boring but being abnormal is kinda freaking me out. to be honest, I'm stuck between both and now being so in the middle of nowhere trying to figure things out but it will never will.

Because this involves people and I think that people are not aware of what I've been thinking. Yeah since I speak to me and only me.

You know, since the day we made the decision to "you go your way and I'll go my way", or "you do your thing and I'll do my thing". I've been thinking that it is better that way rather than to hold on much longer. I felt relieved and free though it hurts so much like I'm having inflammation in my whole heart and it's bruising, fibrosis, necrosis and the list goes on. (I made that up, it's not that hard)

And then months later when I recovered, rumours spread. We should not trust rumours but hey, it's rumours. It has consequences okay. You're playing with somebody's feeling now.
I'm ruined and apparently you don't know what's happening and rumours? Oh, you got to be kidding me.

For a second, I thought that maybe it is a rebound.

Here's a lesson Dibsy, never go for a rebound unless you're destined to. Follow the flow, ace that B.Pharm, act for your dreams and moving on. Don't give hope or start to hope. You've hurt before, don't make the way for the second time.

You're 22 now Dibsy, there's no time to play. Maybe you'll just wait and see what's gonna surprise you in the end. You created the story with great epilogue, next is to end it well. You know you hate sad ending.

Yeah, I'm talking about my new story, the past is in the past and I'm not living there anymore. If you involved in the past, feel free to know that I'm not the one you knew before. Things changed, so do I. don't ask why because the reasons would be you. It's interrelated and complicated.

just had a bad time.
couldn't sleep and need a typing practice.
Let the string loose, or if you wish to stay, let me know you'll stay.
Silence won't work with me. Get it?